Magic Boy

D was sitting on the toilet. He called me: "Bubbie, do you want to see something?"
When I came into the bathroom, he said, "Watch what I can do." He unrolled some toilet paper, and then pulled apart the two sheets (it was 2-ply toilet paper.) "Look!" he said. "It was one and I made it into two!"
"Wow, that was magic!" I exclaimed.
He smiled a huge smile and nodded. "I'm a magician!"

Just one for me, please

S: "I bought Daddy some bagels and lox for dinner."
K: "I want a bagel!"
D: "I want a Lok!"

Impossible

I was sitting in the kitchen, holding T, while K was finishing his dinner. Their mother had gone out, and their father was upstairs with D. T started to fuss a little bit. K asked me, "When are you going to nurse her?"

Thanks for the suggestion

D was on the toilet, and K was doing a United States Giant Floor Puzzle in the living room. They both wanted my attention, so I was shuttling back and forth. I checked on D, and he said he wasn't ready to be wiped yet, so I told him to call me when he was ready. I'd barely taken two steps away when he called me again, so I turned around and went back into the bathroom.
"Are you done?" I asked him.
"No," he answered. K, meanwhile, was calling me because he wanted to know where Idaho went. "But I don't want to just stand here," I explained.
"Well," D said helpfully, "you could just walk around in the bathroom."

Comet, the Magic Dog

We were taking Comet for a walk, on our way to the Cow ice cream store. Comet stopped to pee, and K bent down and peered underneath her. "I saw the pishy coming out," he announced. D didn't notice--or so I thought, until a few days later, when he announced out of the blue, "Comet is a magic dog, because she makes pishy and doo-doo out of the same hole!"

Free at Last

It was Erev Yom Kippur, and my daughter was in the hospital having given birth to her daughter the previous day, so K and D were having dinner with us at our house before the fast. Uncle A brought a can of Cherry 7-Up to the table, and immediately the kids started clamoring (OK, whining) for "pop." We told them they could have pop after they ate, but that, of course, was an unsatisfactory answer, as far as they were concerned. Papa told them that when he was a little boy, he never had pop ("soda," to the rest of us) until the end of the meal.
"My Mommy didn't let me have pop until I finished eating," he explained, "because she didn't want me to fill up my tummy with pop and then not have room for my healthy food."
K considered this for a moment, and then said casually, "But she died."
The 5 adults at the table all choked on our soup simultaneously, and Papa managed to splutter, "Yes, she did," wondering where this was leading.
"So now you don't have to listen to her any more," K continued. "Now you can do whatever you want!"

What's So Special About That?

We were in the car, driving home from picking up Aunt I at the airport, when Daddy called with the news of the birth of his daughter. K & D were with us, and they reacted to the news with grins but not much else (not surprising, considering that they didn't yet really know what having a baby sister was all about.) As we continued driving, I noticed that D was falling asleep--and 4 PM is not the most desirable time of day for a 3-year-old to nap. I remembered that I had 2 lollipops in my purse, so I asked Aunt I to give them to the kids, knowing that a lollipop would keep D awake for at least a few minutes.
When the kids finished the lollipops, they asked for more (naturally.) I said, "No more lollipops. Usually we only have lollipops on Shabbos, but today you got lollipops because it's a special day." There was no response from either of the kids, so I asked them, "Why is today a special day?"
D answered, "Because we got lollipops!"

Logical?

My daughter was coming down the stairs, and discovered several pairs of size-3 underwear strewn over the steps.
She stopped halfway down and asked the kids, "What's all this underwear doing here?"
"D wanted to wear it on his head like a hat," K answered helpfully. (As if that explains it-but never mind.)
She said to D, "Pick up the underwear and give it to me so I can put it away." D picked up the pairs of underwear and flung them up in her general direction. She managed to catch a few pairs. "Please hand them to me," she asked D.
"Mommy can't bend down to pick them up because her tummy is so big because of the baby," I added.
D picked up the underwear and handed it to her, along with a kipah that also happened to be on the steps.
She gave the kipah back to D and said, "Here, put this away in the closet," at which point D took the kipah and flung it down the steps in the general direction of the closet.
"Please pick it up and put it in the closet," She said, wearily.
"Bubbie can do it," D said. "She doesn't have a big tummy!"

More is Less

Mommy had cut up some cucmbers from the garden and put them on a plate. K took a whole fistful of cucmber slices and put them on his plate, leaving only 2 or 3 slices for everyone else. Mommy pointed out that he had taken almost all of the cucumbers, and asked him, "Do you think that will be enough for me, Daddy, D, and Bubbie?"
K looked at the serving plate and at his own plate. He then took all the cucumbers from his plate and put them back on the serving plate, and then proceeded to take some for himself, one at a time--until he had just as many cucmbers on his plate as the first time. Apparently, if you take them one at a time, or more slowly, you end up with less!

Watch out for Papa

Papa, K, & D & I were sitting outside the ice cream store eating our cones. D wanted to hold Comet's leash, but he couldn't do that and hold his cone at the same time. Papa was sitting right there, but D walked over to the other bench where I was sitting and said, "Bubbie, will you hold my ice cream so Papa doesn't get it?"

Seeing is believing

A few weeks ago, a robin built a nest on top of the light outside our garage. When K & D were here, we set up the ladder so they could climb up and see the eggs, and a few days later, the baby birds.
After the babies grew big enough to fly, the birds abandoned the nest, and I took it down and showed it to the kids. We noticed that the mother bird had used grass, mud, sticks, and even a little piece of plastic, and we all marveled at how the bird could do that, using just her beak!
A few weeks went by, and then today we were at the playground. After swinging on the tire for a while, K got off and announced that he was going to build a nest. He sat down on the ground and made a little hollow in the wood chips, and then carefully filled it with grass and a few small sticks. But he wasn't satisfied--he said it wasn't a real nest, because it didn't have any pieces of plastic in it!
I tried to explain to him that a nest didn't have to have plastic in it; that the bird just used whatever she could find. K was doubtful, but finally picked up a few scraps of paper lying nearby. But I could tell he wasn't convinced--the nest he saw had plastic, so that means that a REAL nest has to have plastic!

I missed you, too

Today was the first time I'd seen K & D in 8 days, since Aunt I and I were stuck in New York for several extra days. This is an unusually long time for me not to see them, and during the week, their mother told me on the phone that D was complaining that he wanted me to come and take him to camp.
But mostly, kids of that age live "in the moment," and have only a vague grasp of the passage of time, as is evident from what K said to me today when he saw me: not "Hi" or "I missed you" or even "Where were you?"-- he said, "Your purple socks are still at our house."

When I grow up...

D was walking Comet.
"When I'm a dog, I'll go for a walk on a leash just like this," he announced.
"When you're a dog?" I asked. "When will you be a dog?"
"At Pesach!"

Wazzup?

D and I were in the back yard, and there were several wasps flying around near the garden, probably attracted by the water. I went in the house and got a newspaper and folded it up, to try to kill a few of the wasps.
When D saw me flailing away, he said, "What are you doing, Bubbie?"
"I'm trying to smack the wasps," I told him.
Later, when his mother came home, D said, "Mommy, do you wanna know what Bubbie was doing? She was smacking the waz with a newspaper!"

The conscience of a 3-year-old

Uncle A discovered D pulling the leaves off a potted plant.
A: "D, are you supposed to be doing that?"
D: "No."
A: "Then why are you doing it?"
D: "Because Bubbie's not watching!"

Good old Mommy

Aunt I was in the car with K & D, waiting for their mother to come out of our house.
D: "Where's Mommy?"
I: "She's in the house."
D: "Where's my other Mommy?"
I: "Your other Mommy?"
D: "My old Mommy!"
I: "Your old Mommy? Who's that?"
D: "Bubbie!"

(I reported this conversation to her sister, who said, "Maybe my mother has been spending too much time with my kids...")

A big help

D called me on the phone. "How's your Pesach cleaning?"
"It's good," I told him. "How's YOUR Pesach cleaning? Did you help Mommy clean?"
"Yes," he answered.
"How did you help?" I asked him.
"He replied, "Daddy took me to the zoo!"
I'm sure that was truly more helpful than anything he could have done at home!

The lessons of Purim

K wanted a turn with the plastic bucket D was using to scoop water out of a puddle on the sidewalk. But D wasn't so eager to share.
"In a minute," he kept telling K, but the "minute" was getting really long, and K was running out of patience.
"You're mean," he told D, exasperated. "You're HAMAN!"

Who needs a tissue?

Me: "D, do you need a tissue?"
D (Hugging me around the knees): "No, I already used your coat!"

Don't trust anyone over 30?

I picked K up at school, and on the way to his house he asked me if I had eaten lunch. (He likes it when I bring my lunch to his house--and share it with him.) I explained that I wasn't eating lunch that day because it was a fast day.
"I know, it's Taanis Esther!" he answered. "All the grownups don't eat anything."
"What about kids?" I asked him.
"Kids don't have to fast," he said. "Only kids who are 30 have to fast."
I'm not sure whether he thinks I'm a grownup- or just a really old kid!

Coloring?

D, watching me put on make-up:
"Are you coloring yourself?"

Rules of Grammar

K and D were watching me send a fax. They took each page as it came out of the fax machine.
"Careful, don't pull the paper," I told K.
"I'm not; I'm just make sure-ing that it doesn't fall off the table."

Personal question

Mommy: "D, is your diaper dirty?"
D: "No! Is YOUR diaper dirty?"

Let a smile be your gorilla

Sunday night, while my daughter watched the Super Bowl with the NCSY'ers and her husband watched it at our house, I went to stay with K & D. (I'm sure I had the most fun!) One of our activities was playing "Go Fish," with a set of cards that have letters and pictures on them.
Donny got a card with the letter U, and a picture of an umbrella. "Do you have an un-gorilla?" he asked. K cracked up, and we told D it was an umbrella, not an un-gorilla. But as hard as D tried, he couldn't say "umbrella." He really worked at it, but he couldn't quite get the hang of it, so he just must have decided that "un-gorilla" was easier!

When he grows up

The grandchildren and their parents were leaving for a trip to Florida, and they stopped at our house in their car to pick up Papa so he could drive them to the airport, drop them off, and then bring their car back here. I went out to the car to say goodbye, and Papa got in. "We're going to Florida!" D exclaimed.
"But Papa's not going with us," K added.
"Maybe next time when he's a little older he can go with us," their father suggested to the kids.
"Yeah," said K, "maybe when he's 30."

It's impossible!

Do was singing and shaking his head back and forth.
"What are you doing?" I asked him
"I can't sing into my ear," he said seriously.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because my mouth is here," he explained, pointing, "and my ear is over here."
He looked sad, so I suggested, "Do you want to sing into my ear?"
"So loud?" he asked, surprised.
"No, not so loud," I told him. "Softly."
He pondered this for a moment, and apparently decided that if he couldn't sing into my ear so loud, it wasn't worth it. Then he said mournfully, "One time my ear used to be over here," pointing to a space next to his mouth, "and then I could sing into it!"

Take a whack at this

D(holding up his little finger): Bubbie, look what I found in my ear!
Me: What is that?
D: It's an ear wack.
Me: Ear wax?
D: No, it's just ONE ear wack!

Just say "No"

This morning, D asked me if he could watch a video (DVD). I told him he would have to ask Mommy. She was upstairs getting dressed, and when she came down, I was talking with K, so I didn't hear D ask her. But he came and reported to me right away, in a sad little voice, "Mommy said no."
"Well, we'll have to do something else," I told him.
"No, I want to watch a video," he complained.
"But Mommy said no," I reminded him.
"You're not supposed to say 'no'," he said indignantly. "Mommy has to get a punishment!"